Vale Robin Williams

To be or not to be?

The news of comedian Robin William's suicide has affected me (softly and quietly) and so many others - it has rippled through the world and raised a chorus of voices asking 'why'? Of course there is no simple answer, and perhaps the question itself may help people re-examine themselves in the world, their purpose, their direction, their choices - everything. Thank you for letting your life give that to the world Robin...

When I ask the question 'why' - it feels like part of the answer may be that he simply felt too deeply...That the paradox of his comic genius was the depth of his understanding and compassion. I feel no blame or anger toward him for the way he ended his life - despite it causing pain to the many people who loved him. I'm certain that emotional pain can be as intense as physical pain and that losing hope can drain the life from you.

Many people can't accept that he was a person of such success and wealth and so very much loved - how could he let all that go? And on the other hand - why is it that people who have so little often have such a strong drive for survival?

Others have talked about how hard this will be for his 'karma' - that he will now have to repeat this life cycle to 'learn the lesson'. Despite my (general) tendency to believe in reincarnation - I could never presume that anyone has the right to anticipate the passage of others people's souls! This is a mystery! Every existence has its own story!  All we can do is be true to our own hearts and how each situation makes us feel - empathy and compassion has to lead us, not a calculation or judgement about whether our actions have been truly virtuous or not...

Actually, I've never really been able to think of depression as an 'illness' - especially now, in this chaotic time. We, as humans, are saturated with information and concepts that no generation has ever faced before, and yet have been created by our own species: nuclear weapons, mass extinctions, climatic disruption, the globalised, corporate economy - those who have their hearts open must be moved to feel, sometimes act, sometimes hide, sometimes pray, sometimes just hold their loved ones ones close or escape into the beauty of a sunrise...Choosing life is not always easy.


Dawn and Dusk...

Slow Mother Blog

We’ve passed through what seems like the mildest winter ever here – cool nights, but with beautiful clear blue sky days…Almost everyday we are at the beach, before or after school - Pacha and Yani dancing on the waves, hearts leaping as the whales and dolphins pass around them, breathing in miraculous golden sunsets that soothe the soul. 

We’re living in a bubble of comfort and privilege; feeling safe, supported by family, well fed, appreciated, useful – as so much of the outside world seems to be collapsing in fear and suffering. 
News media and facebook feeds have been saturated with death and destruction and endless blame for one side or the other. People have marched on the streets here – but the images captured (or highlighted) by the media are disturbing too; people look desperate and overcome by emotion – making many people shrink back to stay with what they know is comfortable and routine.
And the news of the acceleration of climate chaos – I can hardly bring myself to share the latest information about methane spikes from Siberia – so shocking it is paralyzing…

Yet, we know this is all part of a global machine of war based on a mythical economic model and a distorted hierarchical thinking- that has no future and has no heart.  We have to believe that since it was created by humans, it can be dismantled by humans.

So what can we do?

I don’t know…just stay alive? stay awake?
keep our hearts open?  make a pact to ourselves everyday not to ignore the things we see in our own surroundings that can be made more peaceful, more whole?  Dismantling that suicidal system starting in our own backyards…

Today I was deeply moved by a youtube clip of a bear saving a crow that had become trapped in a small pond inside its zoo enclosure (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VJmPSv3AkM). Instead of eating it,  the bear left it to recover and (hopefully) fly off.

It reminded me of the letter Bruno Manser once wrote to me, about a swallow he saved from drowning in a river (that with the help of Fuyuta Matsuya became a song) – even when all hope seems lost, a good heart is moved to try.

Is that deep human instinct to help those in need a universal law that is shared throughout all life forms? Along with this universal need to play, to touch, to laugh, to love – is that spirit of protecting, nurturing, caring - the one that will lead us home?  Are our hearts strong enough to choose the way of compassion and kindness – of love?

Lots of joy in generations to come!

Greg (from Regen Australia) helped provide 50 native trees for national tree planting day at Yani's school 

















(翻訳: 荒木雅子)


Yani - 11 years of age...

Slow MotherDiary

Tomorrow is Yani’s birthday. 

My son will be 11 years old.

I feel so blessed to have shared these years with him.

He has a kind, gentle soul - he makes people feel calm.

He is true to his name: Peace – and while his sister, Pacha, and I, often run around – busy and frantic – he has this solid, slow presence. He just doesn’t function well in a rush…He teaches me, and frustrates me at the same time – about learning to go slow…

Maybe that slower pace is what makes him so good at making people laugh – that’s what he likes to do the best. His stillness draws people’s attention – forced to wait patiently to catch his words, expression or subtle gesture…Sometimes I think he is simply a bit behind everyone else (even his teacher has commented on his ‘laid back’ attitude!) – but then he will say something so deep and profound, or take the time to create the most beautiful, intricate art or land a perfectly calculated trick in the air or sea…and I just sigh and realize that he will be who he is and that he’ll find his way in life. He is unique and will not be molded into anything that is not true to his soul…

He has missed out on having a father around and sometimes he pushes the boundaries with me – looking for the edge of tolerance, maybe for some masculinity – and I respond, showing him my power, like a mother bear…but most of the time we indulge in gentleness and fun.

His greatest passions are full of creativity and connection – surfing, playing in the waves - absolutely at home in his body, in his balance…On land he skates – graceful and free – he rarely falls – despite trying some pretty crazy tricks – and even then, never seems to hurt himself…And he has music in his heart – always listening to a wide range of styles and teaching himself how to play his favourites on a keyboard.

Yani, I could burst from the love I feel for you – Thank-you for coming into my life…